Help! I've been playing music for about a year, but I still sound like a complete beginner. It's soooo frustrating! I just want to be able to play like my heroes on the radio, and the songs don't seem that hard. But I make the same mistakes over and over--hitting a wrong note, or getting off the beat. That makes me mad and then my playing just goes down the tubes. Trying to play music is so aggravating! I'm about ready to quit. Is there any hope for me and my musical dreams?
Signed, Aaarrrggghhh!
Dear Aaarrrggghhh!
Was that you in the red Corolla yesterday? The one that nearly sideswiped me where Main Street narrows from two lanes to one? You snarled at me from behind your windshield, and gave me the abridged wave to tell me I'm "number one."
This raises a pet idea of mine. Auto makers should aim for more truth in advertising. No more soothing names like Camry, Civic, and the clearly misleading Dodge Diplomat or Honda Accord. Let's get real. Go back to the days of the Dodge Rampage and the Pontiac Grand Fury. For today's drivers, I want to see the the Ford Glare, the Chevy Paroxysm, GMC Wrath, Toyota Tantrum, and last but not least the Kia Coniption Fit.
See, our lives are so frantic and chock full of multi-tasking that we're annoyed and angry at every little snag or trifling trouble that crosses our path. We get impatient in line at the grocery store when it moves too slow. Steam hisses out of our ears when all the close-in parking spots are taken. I suspect we all need a collective deep breath. A zen master (who happens to work at the wastewater treatment plant) once told me, "If you let the little things bother you, then you belittle yourself."
Making music can seem full of little annoyances. Learning to play a musical instrument isn't all giggles and rose petals. Everything feels unfamiliar at first, awkward and confusing. Your favorite recording star makes it look so easy and sound effortless, but then your own halting, fumbling efforts don't measure up. That can be frustrating, aggravating, infuriating.
But it doesn't have to be. Music itself is fun. The only obstacle in your way is you. "Oh great," I hear you thinking, "I ask for help playing my instrument, and Mel's going to tell me the problem's all in my head." Well, yes, as it happens, it is all in your head. But that's the one thing you have some control over, and it's not as impossible as it seems. Just set more realistic goals and be more patient with yourself. Take a breath. Count to ten. Relax. And consider some of the following strategies.
1) Reflect on why you want to play music. If your main ambition is to impress others or become rich and famous, then you'll likely be frustrated for a long time. If, on the other hand, you enjoy music and want to have fun playing your favorite tunes and songs, then you'll find pleasure and satisfaction within the first half hour of getting to know your instrument.
2) Set realistic goals. All of the music we hear on our mp3 players, car stereos, and movie soundtracks (and everywhere we shop) is recorded by professional musicians who've spent decades honing their abilities. And then a studio sound engineer cleans up any squeaks or squawks till every note is inhumanly perfect. Don't expect to sound like this, at least not until you've played for years. Instead, start out with easy music and set achievable short-term goals, like being able to play three chords and change among them cleanly and smoothly after a week or two of daily practice. Remember: it's better to play a few songs well than a lot of songs poorly.
3) When you DO make a mistake, laugh it off. Most mistakes sound pretty silly, like a whoopie cushion going off in church. Go ahead and laugh--you'll relax instead of tensing up, and you'll teach yourself to smile through your mistakes. That's important later, when playing for an audience. If they see you grimace or wince, then everyone knows you made a mistake. But smile through a performance, and they'll smile and relax along with you, and they won't catch on that you've missed a note or taken a scenic detour. Everybody--even the best musicians--makes mistakes. Just let it go and focus on the music ahead.
4) Catch yourself doing something right. It's easy to dwell on mistakes, and then they multiply. Instead, dwell on success. Notice the things that you do really well and build on those. Also, the tricky parts are our friends--without challenges to overcome, we'd stagnate. Playing through new challenges is what makes us better musicians. Celebrate every improvement.
5) Take some lessons. A good teacher can help you avoid pitfalls and bad habits and steer you instead to proper technique and a clear understanding of how your instrument works. Good teachers also emphasize relaxation and developing easier skills before tackling tricky stuff. It's amazing the amount trouble you can avoid with the help of a friendly music coach. Learning music this way is tons more fun and rewarding than beating your head against a giant cowbell.
6) Have FUN! Music doesn't need to feel like work, even when you're woodshedding on a challenging piece. There's a reason we use the word PLAY to talk about making music. It's a very fun, imaginative, playful thing to do. Slow down and enjoy the process of learning to make your instrument sing. Let yourself be thrilled by how even just one note can sound soooo good or how a strong yet simple rhythm can make you want to dance. Play every day, and soon you'll look forward to it like a much-needed vacation (even if it lasts only 30 minutes). And remember: a bad day of playing music is better than a good day in the coal mines.
Signed, Mel
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