Guitars that look like real musical instruments

Dear Mel Odious,

I want to buy a guitar but I don't have much money. I noticed some good looking guitars on ebay, and also on a tv shopping network. And one of the "box" stores in town sells inexpensive guitars that look like real musical instruments. I'm going to buy one, unless you can tell me why I shouldn't. What's so special about shopping for guitars at Piccolo's Music?

Signed, Dimestore Dave

Dear Dimestore Dave,

Do you want the long or short answer?

Never mind. Here's the long (but interesting) answer. It's true that you can find stuff on ebay, QVC, and in the big box stores at discount prices. These retailers tend to buy the cheapest stuff they can find, and they buy in bulk. So the per-item cost is often less than smaller retailers can match. This works fine with things like dog food and toilet paper. Not so much with guitars. Why?

Sometimes the problem is the guitars themselves. They're often made from inferior materials, cobbled together on assembly lines, and shipped without a case. Super cheap guitars like this come with bonus features like necks set at weird angles, lumpy or loose frets, and unworkable tuners. Some of these guitars aren't actually playable, or, at best, they sound like a cardboard box strung with rubber bands.

Sometimes the guitars are basically okay, but they need $100 or $200 worth of set-up work to play properly. The neck may be warped, or the frets stick out past the edges of the fingerboard, waiting to slice unsuspecting fingers. Piccolo's Music can usually fix such problems, but we think you shouldn't have to spend extra money to repair a brand new instrument right out of the box.

The staff at Piccolo's makes sure every guitar we sell is ready to play before it goes on display. And because we're musicians ourselves, we offer only reputable, well-made instruments, even at the lower end of the price range. We carry Fender, Squier, Ibanez, Artist and Lutherie, and other brands priced to fit any budget. Plus you can sit down and actually play the guitars: test drive them before buying. If you're ordering online, call and talk with Fred, Julie, or John--real musicians!--and they will answer any questions you have.

Oh, and here's the short answer: we won't try to sell you dog food or toilet paper at our music store. But we do carry nose flutes.

Signed, Mel