The Gift that Keeps On Giving

...or what happens when you procure an electric guitar for a minor

Do the words, "Only 43 more shopping days until..." send a shudder down your spine? Are you dreading the daily avalanche of mail-order catalogs brimming with monogrammed pastel polo shirts (in "our finest ever cotton pique!") and polar fleece ear warmers? Depressed over the thought of spending your money on another round of meaningless, generic, impersonal gifts?

Ho, ho, ho -- welcome to the darkest days of winter. As if shoveling the driveway and scraping the windshield every morning aren't enough of a time sink, from now till just after the winter solstice we're all doomed to burning the dwindling days in fruitless search of the Perfect Gift.

Let me suggest a happy alternative: music.

No, I'm not talking about more downloads from iTunes or yet another pair of designer earbuds that will end up in the washing machine within a week. I'm talking about real, make-your-own, hands-on music.

When my oldest son was in 5th grade, my wife and I were stumped about what to get him for Christmas. He was in the tweens--too old for toys, to young for a shaving kit. And we wanted something more active and participatory than an mp3 player, video game, or movie on dvd. We knew he loved listening to music, and that summer we'd treated him (and the whole family) to a concert featuring his favorite band. So it wasn't a big leap of insight to think of putting a musical instrument under the Christmas tree.

But which one? He'd already dabbled a bit on piano without much of a spark, and he didn't show any interest in dad's acoustic guitar. We puzzled over this for a week or more, until it dawned on us that maybe he'd enjoy playing the same kind of music he listened to 24/7. That made it easy. Rock plus roll equals electric guitar!

We headed to our local music store, Piccolo's Music. (Disclaimer: I now teach lessons at Piccolo's and write their blog, but then you know that!) They had a great kid-sized Squier electric guitar that cost less than two video games. We bought a small amplifier, too, and a cool guitar strap. Still wondering if we'd done the right thing, we waited to see our son's reaction on Christmas day.

That Christmas was a decade ago. Our 5th grader is now off at college in another state, studying marine biology. I'm thrilled to say that he has a guitar with him in his dorm room, although I'm sure he was disappointed that there was space for only one of his four guitars. He turned out to be a talented musician, better than his old man. His passion for music really took off when he discovered that playing music was even better than just listening to it. Since then, he's jump-started many new friendships simply by having a guitar in his hands. Playing music has also enhanced his self-esteem and confidence--it's a consistent, positive ingredient in how he sees himself among his peers, in who he is.

Buying that little Squier Stratocaster all those years ago seemed risky at the time. Now it's the most obvious, sensible thing we've ever done as parents.

Music gifts are easy to tailor to that hard-to-buy-for person on your list. If they already play a musical instrument, check out all the accessories, sheet music, and instructional materials available for that specific instrument. Musicians will always appreciate an upgrade to a better instrument, a new instrument stand, or better sound equipment. For someone new to music, go with their favorite genre of music and consider which instruments are used to play that genre. Strings, reeds, sheet music, tuners, and metronomes all make great stocking stuffers. When in doubt, you can always get them a gift certificate. And don't forget a starter set of lessons with a good teacher.

This year, leave the polo shirts and polar fleece for someone else's tree. Give the gift of music.

Hum a Ditty for Humidity

Don't leave your guitar in the snow.

Weird October weather for Montana. Still in the 60s, and no frost yet here on Helena's Upper West side. I can't remember such an extended Indian summer in Montana in the last 30 years. Usually we see at least one snow storm in September (or late August)--this year, nada.

I must have a biological clock, linked to my musical instruments, though. I keep reminding myself that winter's coming and it's time to get serious again about humidifying instruments. I use Dampit brand hose humidifiers in my fiddles, mandolin, and acoustic guitars. A Dampit is a piece of green rubber hose with a sponge inside. You run it under the faucet, squeeze out the excess moisture, towel it dry on the outside, and then stick it in the instrument. And then--an important step--put the instrument in its case when you're not playing it. This keeps the humidity in the case and in your instrument, instead of just wicking away into the house.

The guitar Dampit comes either as a plain hose, or with a plastic soundhole cover. I quit using the soundhole cover because I want to humidify my fingerboard, too, not just the inside of the guitar. When a fingerboard dries out, the wood shrinks, leaving the metal frets poking out the sides. Ouch!

So the guitar Dampit fits between two strings and dangles into the soundhole. The mando and fiddle dampits snake into the f-holes. Al of these have a wide cap that prevents them from falling completely into the instrument.

I check the sponges every other day when the air dries out. I aim to keep the humidity in each case around 45 to 55 percent. Heating our houses in the winter can drop ambient humidity into the low teens or even single digits, which can crack a top or back, or cause seam separations. Much easier (and cheaper) to use a simple humidifier.

Beginning Guitar: 5 Easy Steps

At some point, nearly everyone decides to take a stab at becoming a guitar hero. They buy the cheapest guitar they can find, learn two chords from a friend, and three months later the guitar is back in its case, slid under the bed or lost behind never-worn clothes in the back corner of a closet. Sound familiar? Sadly, many people never get beyond this first washout. But there is a better way, more likely to lead to success and genuine guitar heroics. You can learn to play guitar.

The first step is to ask yourself a few questions. What style of music do you like? What type of music do you listen to the most? If the music you enjoy is full of guitars, you’re on the right track. (If, instead, you discover a deep fondness for flugelhorn solos, you may want to reconsider this guitar fetish.)

Chances are, if you like rock, blues, or jazz, you’ll be looking for an electric guitar and amp. On the other hand, if you enjoy country, folk, or bluegrass, an acoustic guitar will deliver the sound you’re after. This is an important choice--the style of music you want to play largely determines what type of guitar to buy. It’s not true that all beginners should start on an acoustic guitar. (In fact, electric guitars are typically easier to play because the strings are lighter and closer to the fingerboard, making it easier to hold notes and chords.) In the long run, you’ll end up learning most of the same chords, techniques, and musical concepts, regardless of whether you start on acoustic or electric. Your choice of which kind of guitar to buy should be based on the kind of music you want to play.

The second step--before you go to Picccolo’s Music and buy a guitar--is to make a commitment to yourself that you’ll actually put in the time to learn how to play. Just as with any other skill, you won’t learn and improve unless you do it. Learning to play guitar requires a minimum of 15 to 30 minutes of focused playing each day. It’s important to play every day, not just once a week.

The third step is fun and exciting. Come on down to Piccolo’s Music and play a bunch of guitars. Talk with Fred, Julie, or John about the different types of guitars in the store, and tell them what kind of music you want to play. Sit down and make some noise on a guitar. And listen to Piccolo’s staff play so you can hear what each guitar sounds like. Think about how much you want to spend. In the beginning, it’s okay to buy a cheap acoustic guitar or cheap electric guitar, provided that it’s a real musical instrument, like the ones you’ll find at Piccolo’s Music. You’ll find great beginner acoustic guitar deals starting as low as $79.95 and beginner electric guitar deals starting at $129.95. Piccolo’s also carries 3/4 size guitars perfect for kids and smaller adults.

The best acoustic guitar for a beginner is one that is the right size, sounds good to that person, is easily playable, and is affordable. The best electric guitar for a beginner would have the same traits.

The fourth step is to take some lessons from a fun teacher who can start you off on the type of music you want to play. A good teacher will be friendly and personable, articulate, and able to demonstrate and clearly explain the techniques and concepts of playing guitar. Not all good guitarists make good teachers--the skills involved are different. Piccolo’s Music offers in-house lessons with a choice of teachers to suit your style and personality.

The fifth step is to simply enjoy playing guitar. Play every day, whether practicing on specific skills or jamming along with friends. The more time you spend making music on your guitar, the easier it will be and the more music you’ll find inside you just waiting to spill out.

Happy 20th Anniversary to Piccolo's Music!

Mark your calendars--Saturday, October 2nd, Piccolo's Music is throwing a party to celebrate 20 years of helping people make their own music. If you're in the neighborhood, swing on over from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. for hot dogs, hamburgers, live music, and free stuff.

Between them, Barb, John, Fred, Julie, Ron, Tom, Tricia and the gang boast a few centuries of experience and expertise in everything musical. In today's market, it's rare to find a music store that succeeds both as a specialty shop (want a high-end mandolin? need the urtext sheet music for Mozart's violin sonatas? can't live without the best flat pick on the planet?) and as a general music shop (acoustic and electric guitar strings? saxophone reeds? drum sticks?). Piccolo's Music does it all, and does it all well.

As the store celebrates it's second decade, it continues to grow as a full-service shop. You can come in and browse, play instruments, and ask for expert advice. If you're outside the local area, you can shop online (http://piccolosmusic.com/store/). Piccolo's also offers in-house music lessons on acoustic and electric guitar, piano, fiddle, banjo, mandolin, and ukulele. You can also bring in your string, orchestra, and band instruments for quality repair and maintenance.

Here's to another 20 years!

Coda Bows: Carbon Fiber as Good as Wood?

Dear Mel,

After three years of violin lessons, I’m looking to upgrade from an adequate student bow to something more responsive and lively, and that I can continue to grow with. I see on Piccolo’s Music web site that they are a dealer for the Codabow brand of carbon fiber bows. Call me a stick-in-the-mud, but I thought that all good violin bows were made out of a South American hardwood called pernambuco. Are carbon fiber violin bows even worth considering? I’ll give them a try if you can give me five good reasons why I should.

Signed, Old School

Dear Old School,

Ahhh, the wonderful three-year mark. For many violin students, this is when all the hours of playing really begin to show results. Something clicks, and the bow suddenly feels like an extension of your hand instead of a twig with a hank of horsetail tethered to both ends. Sounds to me like you’ve had the epiphany: all this time you thought you were learning to play violin, only to realize that you’ve learned to play the bow. Congratulations!

But now the quality of the bow truly matters, eh? Let’s ponder that for a minute. What makes for a “good” violin bow? What specific qualities do we look for?

First off, a good bow should be stable, not overly bouncy or skittish. A stable bow feels balanced in your hand, not too heavy toward either the tip or the frog. It runs straight and smooth when you draw the length of it over a string. (You can sight down the length of the bow to check for any sideways curve or warping.)

But a good bow also needs to be lively, responsive to your lightest touch. For this, you want to be able to feel the string’s vibrations in your hand, especially where your index finger and thumb touch the stick. This is a subtle feel--not buzzing like a power sander. But in a good stick the vibrations come through. The stick should also retain some camber when the hair is up to playing tension. You want a bit of springiness (without undue bounce).

Finally, a good bow is comfortable. The frog should be free of sharp edges, and the pad should feel slightly tacky for traction with your index finger.

Now on to wood vs. carbon fiber.

Based on the above criteria, you may find that carbon fiber actually does a better job than pernambuco or other hardwoods. Carbon fiber is light for its strength and incredibly stable. Carbon fiber bows are almost unbreakable under normal use, and they won’t warp. When properly constructed, the carbon fibers transmit vibrations and “feel” as well or better than wood and they project volume very well (some companies are now making professional quality violins and cellos completely out of carbon fiber).

Sure, some people simply prefer the look and feel of pernambuco. In blind trials, however, I could not tell which bows were wood and which were carbon fiber. I conducted my own “taste-off” between Coda carbon fiber and a range of pernambuco bows, and the Coda bows always came out on top.

With these qualities in mind, Coda models their bows after the best traditional wooden bows. The result is a strong, powerful, lightweight, well-balanced, lively bow that is nearly indestructible, and at a price far below most wooden bows of equal quality. Also, all Coda bows come with the finest horse hair and can be rehaired in the traditional manner.

Piccolo’s Music carries a wide range of Coda bows for violin, viola, cello, and bass. The top-of-the-line Diamond series is often the professional’s choice. The Prodigy and Joule series offer the same state-of-the-art quality for specialized uses. Bassists can choose between the Infinity and Revelation bows, available in both French and German styles. Gold, silver, and nickel mounts allow for a range of affordable pricing. And remember, Coda bows ship free from Piccolo’s Music!

Small Guitars for Kids' Big Dreams

"No matter what I did, I just couldn’t convince her to spend her loose change on a 108-pipe steam calliope. My musical dreams were shattered."

Dear Mel,

My grandson, Aldo, wants to play guitar. As a toddler, his favorite toy was a plastic guitar with a singing cowboy painted on the top. Aldo dragged that guitar everywhere, twanging on the strings and yodeling his little heart out. Now that Aldo is 8 years old, I want to get him a real guitar. Does anyone make kid-sized guitars that sound as good as regular guitars?

Signed, Doting Grandma

Dear Doting Granny,

Aldo’s a lucky lad. Not only has he found a passion at a tender age, but he has a patron of the arts to help him on his way. Few of us are so fortunate. When I was a tyke, I too desperately wanted a special musical instrument of my own. I pestered my grandma for months, begging her, doing chores around her house, walking her dog every morning, all to no avail. No matter what I did, I just couldn’t convince her to spend her loose change on a 108-pipe steam calliope. My musical dreams were shattered.

Art & Lutherie Ami Parlor Guitar

Where was I? Right, guitars for kids. You and Aldo will be happy to learn that a few companies do indeed make guitars scaled down to fit younger kids. This is important because trying to stretch little fingers around a full-size guitar neck is difficult, hugely discouraging, and may even lead to strains and sprains. Also it’s almost impossible for a small kid to get an arm around a regular guitar body to pick the strings.

Start out by making sure you buy the right type of guitar for the sort of music Aldo wants to play. If he dreams of being the next Marty Stuart, he’ll likely want an acoustic guitar. But if Slash is his guitar hero, he’d be better off with a solid-body electric and a practice amp. Piccolo’s Music carries both types of guitar in kid sizes. The Yamaha JR mini folk guitar is three-quarter size, but actually closer to half size, with a shorter (21-3/4-inch) scale and slightly narrower neck for smaller hands. For $129.99, this guitar comes with a gig bag (Editor's note: Currently out of stock but there's more on the way!). A Little Martin or Baby Taylor ($299 each) also works well as a kid’s guitar. For kids with bigger hands, consider the “Ami” ($279) made in Canada by Art & Lutherie. This small-bodied, 12-fret acoustic guitar features a solid cedar top and “big guitar” tone and projection. The Ami is a lot of guitar for the money. The neck is standard size, though, so maybe let Aldo try one before buying.

Squier Mini Strat

(also available in black)

If you’re looking for an electric guitar, any kid will love to rock out on the Mini Squier Strat ($129.95). The three-quarter scale neck and body are easy to handle, and the axe’s three single-coil pickups and hard-tail bridge deliver big rock tone and sustain. Don’t forget an amp. Decent practice amps start at about $80, but for just $20 more, you might want to spring for a Peavy Vypyr 15. Your budding rock star won’t soon run out of sonic territory to explore with this amp’s 24 different amp models and 11 awesome effects.

(Oh, and Granny, if you’re reading this, all I have to say is, no, the cheap harmonica you gave me did not satiate my desire for a calliope. And while we’re at it, old Boomer didn’t run away that day I came back without him. I sold him to a long-haul driver at the truck stop.)

Signed, Mel

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sneddon/ / CC BY 2.0

A $35 Flat Pick!?

Dear Dr. Mel,

A few weeks back, you wrote a truly enlightening and profound column about flat picks. I laughed, I cried. Remarkable! It must be difficult to bundle so much talent into your socks in the morning. But I've been waiting and waiting for your promised follow-up about a special pick--I think they were called BlueChip Picks. So what's the deal? What's up with these picks, and what's so special about them?

Signed, Easily Amused

Dear E.A.

That's just the weirdest thing...your comment about the talent bundled in my socks. Do I know you? Not even many of my closest friends are aware that I type this column in my bare feet, with my toes (so I can keep playing tunes with my fingers all the while).

Ah yes, the mysterious, elusive BlueChip Picks. My stock broker, Billy Joe Bob, first told me about these, and I thought he was trying to sell me yet another bad stock pick, some big-name, "bluechip" Wall Street sinkhole for my hard-earned retirement funds. (Never mind that we all now know AIG stands for "And It'$ Gone!") But then Billy Joe Bob took a tater bug mandolin out of his closet and pulled a shiny brown pick from a pocket in his dirty coveralls, sunk it into the strings, and...well, let's just say the clear, ringing, big-as-a-cathedral-pipe-organ tone piqued my curiosity.

And then Billy Joe Bob told me that these BlueChip picks cost $35 a piece.

That’s not a typo.

Read it again. That’s right...thirty-five smackeroos. Each.

I know what you’re thinking: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaha....”

Yes, you can buy a perfectly adequate flat pick for 25 cents. Or a pick with a few bells and whistles for 50 cents or even a whole dollar. And then there are those bulletproof (made of Kevlar) Wegen picks with grip holes that run a whopping $5 a piece.

So c’mon...$35 for a single pick?!?!?

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say this: If you’re the sort of person who spends more than $600 on a guitar or mandolin, once you try a BlueChip pick, you’ll end up buying one. Happily paying $35 even if you have to pause your daily latte habit for a week or skip the theater and see the next big movie when it comes out on DVD. Why? Because these are the best picks, bar none, in the history of picks to date, period. Read on.

BlueChip Picks are made in Knoxville, Tennessee, in a small machine shop. They are not blue, nor are they chippy. At first glance, they look like just another flat pick, thicker than most, and the UPS brown color doesn’t exactly sizzle with curb appeal. But there’s a peculiar sheen to the surface, and even before you handle one you’ll likely spy the beveled edges on the point, vaguely Stealth Bomber-ish.

The first thing I noticed when I tried one was how tacky the pick is--the ultra-smooth surface simply sticks to your fingers. Within seconds, my thumb and forefinger were more relaxed than with any other pick. No need to grip a BlueChip, it just stays put, even resisting the tendency to swivel away from the string. As I played, the easy, relaxed feel soon had me playing faster and more smoothly than usual. (And I'll take any help in that department that I can get, thank you.)

That speed and smoothness may also come from the pick material itself. Here’s how the company explains it:

“Our picks are produced from a very high grade, self lubricating composite material specially formulated for great playing qualities. These one of a kind picks cannot be found anywhere else in the world. The patent pending material has great tone and speed like tortoise with none of the drawbacks. BlueChip Picks are precision machined and never need polishing because they do not flake at the corners like tortoise shell picks do. Their self lubricating properties make them extremely fast. If you have been using tortoise picks to get that special tone and speed, try a BlueChip and you will never go back.”

Yes, they really do glide over the strings more easily than picks made of other materials. If that’s not enough, consider that these picks also deliver a crisp, clear, yet creamy, chocolatey tone, drawing out the best of what your guitar or mandolin can offer. And they’re more durable than any pick you’ve owned before. And they come in a range of shapes, sizes, and gauges. You can even get a BlueChip thumbpick for your dobro, fingerpicking guitar, or banjo.

After playing a BlueChip for a month or so, I asked the guys at Piccolo’s to consider carrying them. The good news: Piccolo’s Music now has an assortment of BlueChip picks in stock. The even better news: you can come into the shop and try out the different shapes and gauges to see what suits you best, and to see for yourself if the picks live up to the buzz.

The cost? Let’s put the $35 into perspective. That’s two sets of Elixer strings. Between the pick and the strings, guess which will still be around in a year, five years, ten, performing as good as new? Or think of it this way. When you spend $1,000 or $2,500 or $5,000 on a great guitar or mandolin, why chintz out on the pick? Especially if a great pick draws the best sound from your instrument and helps you play cleaner, smoother, faster.

So that’s the scoop. Come see (and feel and hear) for yourself. And don’t be surprised if a Bluechip pick doesn’t curl your toes and knock your socks off.

Signed, Mel

A Fiddle or a Violin? Hobson's Choice

http://www.flickr.com/photos/atomicjeep/ / CC BY 2.0

Dear Mel,

Hey there Mister Odius, my name’s Clem and next to me here is my twin sister Antoinette. We both want to play music. I surely do pine for a fine violin to play in the symphony. But Antoinette, she swoons for a country fiddle. We can’t seem to find a music store that sells both violins and fiddles, which leaves us sorely confused. So what’s the difference between a fiddle and a violin? And how do we choose a good one of each to suit our different tastes in music? Please help!

Signed, Clem and Antoinette

Dear Clemato,

Hmmmm. I wish you’d included photos of yourselves. “Sorely confused” doesn’t begin to describe my thoughts as I read your letter. But we’ll leave the topic of cognitive dissonance for a later discussion....

As a renowned music expert, I get asked this question all the time, “Fiddle...violin...what’s up with that?” Or the slightly more nuanced, “How is a violin different from a fiddle?” So over the years, I’ve combed the literature for the best answer and come up with the following insights:

A fiddle is a violin with attitude.

A violin sings, a fiddle dances.

A fiddle plays music people dance to. A violin plays music people fall asleep to.

When you buy one, it’s a fiddle; when you sell one, it’s a violin.

The difference? About $5,000.

In reality, they are two names for the same instrument.

There may be some minor differences in how the instrument is set up. Violinists typically use synthetic or gut strings, while many (though not all) fiddlers prefer steel strings. To more easily tune steel strings, fiddlers typically use fine tuners on the tailpiece for every string. Most violinists, in contrast, use a fine tuner only on the E string. Also, some fiddlers flatten the top of bridge to make it easier to play two strings at the same time. Then again, some people say that the difference is all in the nut holding the bow....

Seriously, there are exceptions to all of the generalizations above, and the main difference is simply what type of music you play. And this can influence what sort of fiddle or violin you buy. In general, many fiddlers prefer a warmer or darker tone, while violinists tend to be drawn to brighter instruments. Some fiddlers are less picky about tone because they play dance music and just want a fiddle that cuts through and can be heard by dancers in noisy situations. That said, some violinists put up with an edgy or almost harsh tone in their ear because they want a violin that projects well to the back of a concert hall.

So how do you choose a fiddle/violin, the one that will make you happy?

If you’re just starting out and haven’t played before, a good option is to rent one and take lessons. Piccolo’s Music rents violins locally (no out-of-area rentals) for a small fee. And your rental fees can later be applied to buying the instrument.

If you want to buy a fiddle outright, then set aside an hour or two so you can play all the instruments in your price range. Every violin is unique and individual, even those made by the same luthier, so it’s worth your while to try each one. Play on every string, from the lowest note to the highest note you know how to hit on pitch. Listen to every note and to the overall sound. Is the tone pleasant or scratchy or muffled? Is it loud or quiet? Do the strings respond to a light touch, or do you have to lean into the bow to get much sound? Also pay attention to how the neck feels--does it fit easily in your hand, or is it too thick or too skinny?

Given all the variables, you can see why it’s not such a good idea to bid on that bargain fiddle on ebay.

One important point to bear in mind--some old violins may not look as pretty as new ones. The old ones may have scratches, scuffs, blotches, and other blemishes. But don’t dismiss an instrument--or favor one--on looks alone. Some old fiddles show their wear and tear, but it’s because they’re great instruments and have been well played over the years. Some new violins are beautiful, but may sound “tight” or muffly, and are just waiting to be played so their wood can open up and their tone can develop to its full potential.

So come on down to Piccolo’s Music and try one of the fiddles or violins in our string room or give us a call. All of our violins feature select solid tonewoods and a professional set up. Besides a range of older instruments, we also offer new Kremona violins expertly made in Bulgaria and Paesold and Eastman violins for remarkable quality at a reasonable price.

Signed, Mel

(P.S. A Hobson's choice is one in which you have no choice at all, as in "You can have any color Model T you'd like, as long as it's black.")

Ukulele Pandemic a Sign of Global Warming

A specimen of Kalaukuleleum Paremecium at 100x magnification.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/_lovenothing/ / CC BY 2.0

Dear Mel,

I’m writing to beg you to help stop a new disorder that has gone viral and is running rampant, even infecting the residents of small, isolated towns here in northern North Dakota. I may be the last sane person in my once-modest burg of Chafe--all my neighbors have succumbed. I’m speaking, of course, of the lurid outbreak of ukuleles. They’re everywhere! It started out small, as such things do. Someone ordered a tenor uke from your website, allegedly to help pass the long winter. But then his ice-fishing buddies got interested, and before you could thaw a perch, a ukulele band had commandeered the annual Lutefisk Dinner and Dance. Not just tenors, but soprano ukes, concerts, and baritones, too! Now they’re cropping up at the bingo hall, at the bowling alley, and even backing the church choir on Sundays! What’s a god-fearing plainsman gotta do to get some good old Midwestern peace and quiet?!

Signed, No-Hula Howard

Dear No-Hula,

I have to confess that I’m as mystified by the ukulele craze as you are. I mean, sure, they’re cute, portable, sturdy, fun, versatile, relatively inexpensive, easy-to-play, serious musical instruments. But why have they migrated from their tropical island home and spread everywhere, even (of all places) to North Dakota?

And northern North Dakota at that. Doesn’t this get confusing for you folks when you travel around the Flickertail State? If someone hails from, say, the hamlet of Bucyrus, then they’re a southern North Dakotan, right? But what do you call a resident of Westfield, which is in south-central North Dakota? And don’t get me started on the folks who live in North Lemmon, perhaps the southernmost town in North Dakota. It’s enough to make a person long for the simple life of State Center, Iowa, which is exactly where it says it is.

At any rate, I consulted with our local musical epidemiologist, Dr. Cadenza, who said that the ukulele pandemic is global and at this point unstoppable. She blamed penguins. That's right, those portly, flightless, maritime birds. Apparently there was a ukulele-playing penguin brought to Hollywood to star in a movie a year or two ago, and the affliction quickly crossed species. Dr. Cadenza theorizes that global warming led to just the right conditions, ripe for an outbreak. Fortunately, the human variety typically confines itself just to ukuleles, though a recent drug-resistant strain has been identified that includes serious symptoms of umbrella cocktails, tanned skin, and Hawaiian-print shirts. In either case, there is no vaccine nor cure, and chances are, based on the exposures you cite in your letter, you’ve already been infected.

Dr. Cadenza recommends a liberal topical coating of cocoa butter tanning lotion, sunglasses, and a nice little tenor or perhaps baritone Kala uke from Piccolo’s Music. There’s no use fighting it, Howard. Lars, Bjorn, and old Mrs. Swenson will be knocking on your door any minute, with their soprano ukes and chord books. Get that old grass skirt out of your closet, kick off those winter boots, and start strumming!

Signed, Mel

Epidemic in Full Swing

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ganmed64/ / CC BY 2.0

Anger Management for the Beginning Musician

Dear Mel,

Help! I've been playing music for about a year, but I still sound like a complete beginner. It's soooo frustrating! I just want to be able to play like my heroes on the radio, and the songs don't seem that hard. But I make the same mistakes over and over--hitting a wrong note, or getting off the beat. That makes me mad and then my playing just goes down the tubes. Trying to play music is so aggravating! I'm about ready to quit. Is there any hope for me and my musical dreams?

Signed, Aaarrrggghhh!

Dear Aaarrrggghhh!

Was that you in the red Corolla yesterday? The one that nearly sideswiped me where Main Street narrows from two lanes to one? You snarled at me from behind your windshield, and gave me the abridged wave to tell me I'm "number one."

This raises a pet idea of mine. Auto makers should aim for more truth in advertising. No more soothing names like Camry, Civic, and the clearly misleading Dodge Diplomat or Honda Accord. Let's get real. Go back to the days of the Dodge Rampage and the Pontiac Grand Fury. For today's drivers, I want to see the the Ford Glare, the Chevy Paroxysm, GMC Wrath, Toyota Tantrum, and last but not least the Kia Coniption Fit.

See, our lives are so frantic and chock full of multi-tasking that we're annoyed and angry at every little snag or trifling trouble that crosses our path. We get impatient in line at the grocery store when it moves too slow. Steam hisses out of our ears when all the close-in parking spots are taken. I suspect we all need a collective deep breath. A zen master (who happens to work at the wastewater treatment plant) once told me, "If you let the little things bother you, then you belittle yourself."

Making music can seem full of little annoyances. Learning to play a musical instrument isn't all giggles and rose petals. Everything feels unfamiliar at first, awkward and confusing. Your favorite recording star makes it look so easy and sound effortless, but then your own halting, fumbling efforts don't measure up. That can be frustrating, aggravating, infuriating.

But it doesn't have to be. Music itself is fun. The only obstacle in your way is you. "Oh great," I hear you thinking, "I ask for help playing my instrument, and Mel's going to tell me the problem's all in my head." Well, yes, as it happens, it is all in your head. But that's the one thing you have some control over, and it's not as impossible as it seems. Just set more realistic goals and be more patient with yourself. Take a breath. Count to ten. Relax. And consider some of the following strategies.

1) Reflect on why you want to play music. If your main ambition is to impress others or become rich and famous, then you'll likely be frustrated for a long time. If, on the other hand, you enjoy music and want to have fun playing your favorite tunes and songs, then you'll find pleasure and satisfaction within the first half hour of getting to know your instrument.

2) Set realistic goals. All of the music we hear on our mp3 players, car stereos, and movie soundtracks (and everywhere we shop) is recorded by professional musicians who've spent decades honing their abilities. And then a studio sound engineer cleans up any squeaks or squawks till every note is inhumanly perfect. Don't expect to sound like this, at least not until you've played for years. Instead, start out with easy music and set achievable short-term goals, like being able to play three chords and change among them cleanly and smoothly after a week or two of daily practice. Remember: it's better to play a few songs well than a lot of songs poorly.

3) When you DO make a mistake, laugh it off. Most mistakes sound pretty silly, like a whoopie cushion going off in church. Go ahead and laugh--you'll relax instead of tensing up, and you'll teach yourself to smile through your mistakes. That's important later, when playing for an audience. If they see you grimace or wince, then everyone knows you made a mistake. But smile through a performance, and they'll smile and relax along with you, and they won't catch on that you've missed a note or taken a scenic detour. Everybody--even the best musicians--makes mistakes. Just let it go and focus on the music ahead.

4) Catch yourself doing something right. It's easy to dwell on mistakes, and then they multiply. Instead, dwell on success. Notice the things that you do really well and build on those. Also, the tricky parts are our friends--without challenges to overcome, we'd stagnate. Playing through new challenges is what makes us better musicians. Celebrate every improvement.

5) Take some lessons. A good teacher can help you avoid pitfalls and bad habits and steer you instead to proper technique and a clear understanding of how your instrument works. Good teachers also emphasize relaxation and developing easier skills before tackling tricky stuff. It's amazing the amount trouble you can avoid with the help of a friendly music coach. Learning music this way is tons more fun and rewarding than beating your head against a giant cowbell.

6) Have FUN! Music doesn't need to feel like work, even when you're woodshedding on a challenging piece. There's a reason we use the word PLAY to talk about making music. It's a very fun, imaginative, playful thing to do. Slow down and enjoy the process of learning to make your instrument sing. Let yourself be thrilled by how even just one note can sound soooo good or how a strong yet simple rhythm can make you want to dance. Play every day, and soon you'll look forward to it like a much-needed vacation (even if it lasts only 30 minutes). And remember: a bad day of playing music is better than a good day in the coal mines.

Signed, Mel

Guitar Picks: The Key to Your Emotional and Spiritual Well-Being

Dear Dr. Mel Odius,

Why are some musicians so picky about picks? I mean, what's the big deal? I cut my own guitar pick out of my HMO membership card and it works fine. I think some people waste their money on picks just for the cool factor.

Signed, Accidentally Uninsured

Dear Accidentally,

Picks are an intensely personal matter. A person's choice of pick reveals deep-seated insecurities and unrealistic self-images rooted in childhood traumas. Or it could be they just think a particular pick is cool (which also reveals deep-seated insecurities and unrealistic self-images). Either way, this sort of personal dirty laundry is a perfect topic for airing in a public blog.

Piccolo's Music is owned and operated by musicians, so of course we carry an insane variety of totally cool, confidence-boosting picks. Incidentally, the pick you use makes a huge difference in your tone and smoothness (or lack thereof). By "huge," I mean an astonishing, earth-shaking, galaxy-warping difference.

For such a small item, picks have a surprising number of characteristics that affect how they sound. Thickness (gauge), size, shape, material, edge beveling, and grip features all influence a pick's feel and performance.

Gauge

Picks come in a wide range of gauges, from thin to medium to heavy, or in more quantifiable terms, from a see-through 0.38 millimeters (mm) to a log-splitting 3.5 mm. "Thin" generally means 0.6 mm or less, "medium" ranges up to 0.9 mm, and "heavy" to "extra heavy" is 1.0 mm up to 1.5 mm. Specialty picks thicker than 1.5 mm are available--popular among some jazz and heavy metal guitarists.

Although the material of a pick also affects tone, its gauge is fundamental to tone. The basic rule of thumb is that thin picks typically produce a thinner tone, and thick picks produce a bigger--some say fatter--tone. But it's important to match the pick to the instrument, the type of music you play, whether you play loud and hard or soft and easy, and to what sort of tone you want. Most folks who try a thicker pick don't like it at first, but if they stick with it for a week or two, they never go back to a thinner pick.

Contrary to what many people think, thin, floppy picks don't help you play faster. In fact, because a thin pick bends (a lot) when it hits a string, your picking motion will be larger and less efficient than with a stiffer pick that instantly pushes through the string. Some people who prefer thin picks hold them so only a tiny bit of the point hits the string, creating a stiffer feel and quicker response.

Material

No other object on the planet is made from so many different materials. In the quest for the tri-part holy grail of tone and feel and durability, pick manufacturers continue to test every possible natural and synthetic chemical compound known. Some pickers swear by nylon or gel picks, while others use picks made from Lexan, stone, metal, ivory, and tortoise shell. Tortoise shell is illegal in most forms, to protect tortoises from crazed flat pickers. And tortoise picks require regular maintenance to keep the edges smooth.

The most common pick material is celluloid, a plastic mix of nitrocellulose and camphor. It was invented in 1854 and soon became the material of choice for billiard balls. The standard reddish-amber mottled picks stamped with "Fender" or "Martin" are celluloid. They're a workhorse pick for many players, mostly because you can find them in every music store. Celluloid is also easily molded, so most "novelty" picks are made from this plastic. But other materials are more durable and produce better tone and feel. Chief among these are Ultex and Tortex, developed by Dunlop picks. These plastics are harder and have more of a matte finish, helping them stick to your fingers. Plastic picks range in price from 25 cents up to a dollar a piece. Not bad for an essential tool that can dramatically improve your playing and tone.

In general, the denser the material, the fuller the tone. Also, dense, stiff picks are more easily manipulated to change and tweak your tone--from whispering to a roar—as you play.

The latest fad in picks includes Wegen picks made of Kevlar and BlueChip picks made from a polymide composite called Meldin. More about Bluechip picks in a future blog.

Size and Shape

These two characteristics tend to go hand in hand. There are itty bitty teardrop picks, big triangular picks, and everything in between. Choices here really are a matter of personal preference. Pros and cons? Smaller picks can be harder to hold on to, but bigger picks sometimes inhibit flexibility in your fingers and wrist. Pick manufacturers are coming out with new sizes and shapes all the time, allowing players to find a pick with an almost custom fit. Once you've found a gauge and material you like, try out all the sizes and shapes you can find. Some players reshape their picks with sandpaper.

Perhaps the most important aspect of pick shape is the profile of the point that actually hits the string. Sharper points tend to produce brighter, clearer tones, while rounded points are warmer or darker sounding.

Edge Beveling

On thicker picks, the edges may be sloped or beveled to reduce "pick click" and to help them slide over the strings more easily. Some manufacturers call this "speed beveling." You can easily sand a bevel onto your own picks, but this option is increasingly "built in" on many better picks.

Grip Features

For generations, pickers have complained about slippery picks and picks that fly off at the most inopportune times. Celluloid picks do get slippery when your hands are dewy from playing. Some players prefer nylon for this reason. But you can get the aforementioned "cat tongue" texture and also a rubbery grip on Cool Picks. Other picks come with ridges or holes drilled into them for added grip. And a few picks are made of materials that actually become tackier as your fingers warm up.

My personal pick choices vary from one instrument to the next. On acoustic guitar, my favorite picks are Dunlop Tortex in either 0.73 mm (yellow) or 0.88mm (green). On electric guitar, I use either a Dunlop Ultex 0.60 mm or a Cool Pick 0.73 mm with the "cat tongue" grip (red). On tenor banjo, I use the Cool Pick cat tongue in 0.53 mm. And on mandolin, I use a 1.5 mm BlueChip Pick (coming soon to Piccolo's, so watch this blog for more details).

Notice that I haven't said anything about skull-shaped picks or picks with imprints of Elvis or "your name here." Most novelty picks are for looks only. They make funny gag gifts or conversation starters. Let's leave it at that.

Your best bet is to try out one each of all the 25 and 35 cent picks you can buy. Piccolo's has a great assortment in stock (in the grey case on the counter to the left as you come in the store). And ask John or Will about the more expensive high end picks.

So if you thought other people were picky about picks, now you know how bad the obsession can truly get. Good luck with your HMO special, and be careful crossing the street....

Signed, Mel

Guitars that look like real musical instruments

Dear Mel Odious,

I want to buy a guitar but I don't have much money. I noticed some good looking guitars on ebay, and also on a tv shopping network. And one of the "box" stores in town sells inexpensive guitars that look like real musical instruments. I'm going to buy one, unless you can tell me why I shouldn't. What's so special about shopping for guitars at Piccolo's Music?

Signed, Dimestore Dave

Dear Dimestore Dave,

Do you want the long or short answer?

Never mind. Here's the long (but interesting) answer. It's true that you can find stuff on ebay, QVC, and in the big box stores at discount prices. These retailers tend to buy the cheapest stuff they can find, and they buy in bulk. So the per-item cost is often less than smaller retailers can match. This works fine with things like dog food and toilet paper. Not so much with guitars. Why?

Sometimes the problem is the guitars themselves. They're often made from inferior materials, cobbled together on assembly lines, and shipped without a case. Super cheap guitars like this come with bonus features like necks set at weird angles, lumpy or loose frets, and unworkable tuners. Some of these guitars aren't actually playable, or, at best, they sound like a cardboard box strung with rubber bands.

Sometimes the guitars are basically okay, but they need $100 or $200 worth of set-up work to play properly. The neck may be warped, or the frets stick out past the edges of the fingerboard, waiting to slice unsuspecting fingers. Piccolo's Music can usually fix such problems, but we think you shouldn't have to spend extra money to repair a brand new instrument right out of the box.

The staff at Piccolo's makes sure every guitar we sell is ready to play before it goes on display. And because we're musicians ourselves, we offer only reputable, well-made instruments, even at the lower end of the price range. We carry Fender, Squier, Ibanez, Artist and Lutherie, and other brands priced to fit any budget. Plus you can sit down and actually play the guitars: test drive them before buying. If you're ordering online, call and talk with Fred, Julie, or John--real musicians!--and they will answer any questions you have.

Oh, and here's the short answer: we won't try to sell you dog food or toilet paper at our music store. But we do carry nose flutes.

Signed, Mel

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